Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
