did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
