I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize