theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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