did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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