Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
