I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
