please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
