you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
