1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
