He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
