Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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