but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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