Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
