As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
