"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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