another moral hangover. fuck.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
i now understand why vodka
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
