were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
