was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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