Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize