Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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