He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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