i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
