I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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