so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
