this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
how drunk are you?
Several
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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