brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
