since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that ๐ I went with "no"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars๐
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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