he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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