A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
