I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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