Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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