Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
