someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
