Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
There's always time for handjobs
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
