I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize