Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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