C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
