You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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