So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
that may or may not have been my penis.
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