Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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