so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
