Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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