we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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