kristin has been a bad kristin
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
