I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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