Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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