I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
