I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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