Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
