Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
