if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
