I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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