he thought i was a dude.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize