I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
