My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
So squirting runs in the family.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
