That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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