help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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