Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
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