I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
