If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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