If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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