glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
