she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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