Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
