I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
