Swine flu. Run for my life!
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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