my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
