So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
you never un-have a 4some
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
