I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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