I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
